The International Student Guide to Lasting and Glorious Friendship

These days, scrolling through social media is becoming more and more depressing. I wish I was talking about influencers showing off their unrealistic lives, complaining about having to run errands in a G-Wagon with a huge iced coffee, rather than this World War 2 #TBT we are currently living in.

However, I am referring to the common experience among international students of watching your friends back home doing the things you are no longer able to, along with being forced to meet new people in said platforms, and struggling to let them out of your phone screen and experiencing this whole new country you just moved into.

It sounds terrifying to make new friends from cultures so different from yours. Not only that, but adult friendships are hard. You have obligations preventing you from socialising: work, exhaustion from juggling work and studies, already having a friend group, seasonal depression that you mask by saying “Oh, I’m just such a homebody!”, and so on. So what do you do when on top of all these you have to build a social life in a completely new country?

How to Survive Making Friends Abroad 

The first week after I moved to Oslo, a year and a half ago, I experienced an emotional rollercoaster. I was starting a Master’s program in communication, one of the most extroverted areas of education.

Stupidly, I trusted that fate would make new friends magically appear in my life. Nonetheless, I spent my first week crying in my room, missing my home, my friends and wanting to immediately travel back.

Obviously, I survived that first week of living in Oslo, having zero friends. I wouldn’t be writing this if I hadn’t. So I would say I am a qualified source to tell you that it is going to be okay. In addition to my own experience, I consulted other international students to write this pseudo-survival guide.

Download Snapchat! I Mean, Use Social Media 

On my first day out of my self-imposed solitary confinement, I joined a few group chats with people from my student residence and the university.

Daring to reply to someone led me to meet my first official Oslo friend, Lori, a German girl that had to run an errand to Ikea, with whom I ended up trauma dumping in the lights section about moving abroad. This illustrates one of the main pieces of advice you’re given when you move abroad: use social media.

—It’s easy to make friends as a student, everyone else is in your same situation and open to meeting new people, Mario Olivera (27, Mexico) explained over coffee and the sound of stressed out students in the midst of exam period. 

Being a student is an advantage in socializing in Norway. The University usually provides ‘excuses’ to engage with other international students, such as the Buddy Week and student associations. On the other hand, Najaat Molhem (26, Palestine) insists on being open and taking initiative, as Norwegians can be shy.

—It is rare that someone just comes up to you, she says. Work isn’t such a great option for making friends, either. Norwegians are very good at compartmentalising, she adds. 

Eventually, we both agreed that it’s a good idea to start learning how to use Snapchat. It is very big in Norway. 

Alcohol, an Excuse to be Extroverted 

My first parties in Oslo were a fascinating experience. Back home I was used to a somewhat ‘chill’ drinking culture, as Spanish people usually drink while socialising and talk more than they drink. 

In Oslo I found that people drank in order to socialise. Talking to Therese Gutiérrez (20, Spain/Norway), we shared some of our mutual culture shocks. 

—Some people I know take shots before going to a pre-party so they can talk to people who they aren't good friends with. It’s interesting, you would never see that in Spain, she says.

—Maybe it’s because of how safe this country is, Mario adds. People inhibit themselves simply because they can. Besides, it helps with their shyness. 

This means that whenever your class suggests karaoke night, you might want to give it a shot, even if you don’t drink much. You may find that your classmates are way more open to sharing their lives with you, and you might take a friend or two out of the experience. That is, if they remember you the next day.

Student Associations as Fronts for Making Friends 

Therese and I met in a choir. I was speaking Spanish with a Norwegian girl, and suddenly we realised we spoke the same dialect, which led to the realisation that we came from the same island, Tenerife. We have been friends ever since. 

—Having the same interests makes it less awkward to start a conversation, plus you have a great excuse to do so. This way you guys actually need to engage with each other, Mario says. He himself joined a football team because of the camaraderie that comes with practicing team sports.

–Volunteer, join group activities, hikes, team sports, study groups. Student associations are a must if you want to survive here in Oslo, Najaat says with great enthusiasm.

Furthermore, winter in Oslo can be tricky for newcomers. You will need to be prepared with some cozy indoor activities, as there is not much to do in regard to outdoor activities, that is if you aren’t into skiing, skating and other winter sports. With this, the Oslo student network of associations can help.

Language Barriers 

As an international student, you will be around many nationalities, including groups of twenty Spanish Erasmus students you may or may not understand. It is important to remember to speak English when people around you don’t speak your language. 

Mario testifies that this might easily make someone feel out of their comfort zone and lonely, as he does, for instance, at team building parties with his football team.

–I don’t speak good Norwegian, so I find it harder to connect with my teammates, he laments. 

Language barriers can cause misunderstandings and a feeling of disconnection in the people you are talking to, due to things like a different sense of humor and the struggle to find the right words to say. However, that doesn’t mean you are doomed and will never be able to make deep connections. In my experience making foreign friends, there is always something to learn from them, even if your cultures may clash.

Making Oslo Your New Home

Eventually, I did connect with people, and now, a year and a half later, I find myself with an incredible friend group (of mostly Hispanic people, but we won’t talk about that). I now realise the devastating possibility of not being able to live in the same country with them in the future. 

So the rumours are true, sort of. You can make new friends in your 20s, even if they are from different countries, even if you have to do what you are not used to, or go way out of your comfort zone. Even if it feels like you made a huge mistake moving, know that the feeling may only last a few days, until you meet someone who feels the exact same way, and they become a lifelong friend.