St. Hansparken. Foto: Wikimedia commons.
St. Hansparken. Foto: Wikimedia commons.

Culture Calendar May 10-13

Here it comes. Here it comes again. Racing through your brain. Or rather, what is left of it. The culture calendar that nobody needs, and nobody wants. After all, we’re in the middle of exams. Who the hell goes anywhere now? Well, apparently you, reading this.

It’s Thursday afternoon, you are reading your favorite Culture Calendar® by Universitas and the first event starts at 19:00. «God damn it,» you think aloud, «it’s like in an hour and I’m too lazy to make it.» I feel you, brother (or sister). However, this is not the time for your weak excuses, man (or woman). This is the time of witnessing the freaking history of this town! A new concert hall called Stampen is opening, and at Brugata, too, so you know it has to be…special. The opening gig is described as an «organic and contemplative» experience and it costs only a «hundrelapp» so damn you if you miss it!

If you are reading these words thinking, «Neimen, shoot! 100 NOK is my whole budget for the weekend!» I feel you again, brother (being PC all the time is exhausting). Well then. Go to Ingensteds instead(s) to watch other people succeed while you drink water. For there, all will bend the knee before the Golden Calf just like the folk in the Bible did. Of course, we all remember how that worked out for them, so why would anyone still use the golden calf as a symbol, you might ask. I guess if Wall Street can, the communication undergrads can as well. This is an award they receive for creativity, with the least creative symbol ever. The presence of Yousef Hadaoui should make up for that. Free of charge. Requires some Norwegian, so you will probably need more than just water.

It is Friday; you are into your sixth beer and suddenly realize you have never been to the Oslo Cathedral. No worries. It’s open Friday night. You can go there straight from Elsker, the nearby gay bar, after having watched the new episode of RuPaul’s Drag Race. Oh, the drama! Oh, the makeup! Oh, the whiteness of everyone’s teeth! Bond and take selfies with your new queer friends that you can then show to the pensioners at the Cathedral, saying «How can God not love such cuties?!»

No other Friday event is as mysterious as the concert of Ukult, at St. Halvards Pub & Bistro. You can simply expect everything, says the event. Those who have been to a Norwegian «brown» pub on a Friday night know that this description fits all of those places. You have tried the brunost, now it’s turn for the brunpub culture at least once in your lifetime.

Thanks to Eurovision, you don’t have to figure out what to do this Saturday, but you can still figure out where to do it. If you were in Elsker on Friday, you’ll probably end up watching MGP there. It is like their national day and the party will continue until Sunday. Amatøren will also screen the final so if you live at Sogn you should choose the short way home. If you want to impress another MGP fanatic, take them to Gimle cinema at Frogner. It’s fancy, so order your free ticket but be prepared for high prices at the bar.

What about Sunday? Well, for those of you partying to Eurovision, there won’t be a Sunday. Should we give tips for those who don’t have enough self-irony to enjoy the heck out of Eurovision? Well…you can pay 100 NOK to help the four-time Norwegian sheep shearing champion catch the sheep that need a makeover. Maybe even help with the shearing! Use what you learned watching Drag Race. Warning! Even though pure post modernistic bourgeoisie farm tourism, this is an ultra-Norwegian event so beware! You might overdose on «kos».

Stampen’s opening

Gullkalven awards

Ukult concert

Night-open Cathedral

Drag Race at Elsker

Eurovision Elsker

Eurovision Amatøren

Eurovision Gimle

Sheep shearing